How do you fight a Grizzly Bear?

August 6, 2013

Ren Posts

Think about it!!


Do you try to punch it?

Do you try to wrestle with it? No.

You don’t ever engage it ever! You let it walk on by.


We’ve all had people who have said hurtful thing to us. Made judgments with our lives and just haven’t understood what it is we are going through.

Some people would want nothing more than for you to engage with them so they could unleash all this pent-up fiery.

The best thing I’ve found is to just focus on what HF (Heavenly Father) wants you to do and allow others the same even if others lob zingers your way. The key is to not catch the zinger. Just simply step out-of-the-way and let it go on by which is sometimes difficult to do.








Sometimes I’ll catch the zinger and bury it with a ton of dirt. Other times I’ll let it fester by saying things to my allies like:

“Can you believe they said that to me”

Sometimes I’ll even drink the poison hoping it will hurt the other person but all it does is hurt me.







The key is to just let it go on by.

Think about it on an elementary school level. When someone teases you and they don’t get a reaction. They stop bugging you and move on to someone their able to get a rise out of.

I also think everyone deserves a Mulligan (do over in Golf). We all have our bad days. I think about times I’ve said things I didn’t mean and just felt awful after because it wasn’t really how I felt. I may have been tired, hungry or whatever.

Still it wasn’t an excuse. It’s just in a moment of weakness I lashed out and after I cooled down I felt horrible. To bad there is not a un-do button for life. So I think the answer is to forgive others as difficult as it is sometimes. The ones that are the hardest to love need it the most.

I think there are 3 Phases.

1- You become bitter and try to expose the person and show all the bad that was done by exposing the in-justice. Doesn’t anyone see how crazy this person is?

2-  Show compassion and don’t take it personal. Realize the person has their own demons. Just look at their profile with how they were raised. I’m glad I didn’t have to deal with those issues that they had to deal with. So more of an understanding.

3- Help them in an indirect way without them even knowing it with absolutely no credit shown your way. Knowing that there will be moments they will turn on you but it’s your job to help them climb this mountain and without anyone recognizing that you were the one secretly behind the scenes helping this person get over their challenges.

This is where the Savior is. The biggest injustice of the entire world happened to him by others yet he didn’t say a word. He did it for those that were causing him all the pain. At any moment he could have destroyed everyone but didn’t.

The visual is:

Dust bowl of people fighting like they do in cartoons versus a stick figure of a happy person.


The trick is to NOT get in the dust bowl and fight with everyone even if they say hurtful things to you or others about you.

In the past whenever someone would lash out at me and say things that just weren’t true. I would hoist my injustice flag up in anger and try to expose this person to the world. Then the bitterness would enter my soul and the spirit would leave.

The more injustice I felt the more bitter I would get. I would keep thinking of the comments that were said over and over in my mind.  I wouldn’t let it go. The more I did this the deeper the hole I was digging for myself got.







I think of the story my nephew sent me from his mission about everyone in these holes trying to get out.

The worst part is that the spirit left. It was hard to get up in the morning. I felt like I was swimming with my cloths on. The Joy in life was sucked out of it the more bitter I felt.

When a blow up like this happened. The first thing I wanted to do was just leave and write them off. When you feel pain your natural reaction is to get away from it.

If the person is a friend not associating with them anymore may make sense. But what if it’s someone in your family? This is where it get’s tricky.

I then felt like pouting by showing them how hurt I felt. I’ll show them. I’ll rub their nose in it. That’ll teach them.

I think of the story where Joseph Smith just laid into Brigham Young for something he didn’t do. Brigham just took it and didn’t say a word. Later Joseph found out it wasn’t Brigham’s fault and told him he was so sorry.

He then asked Brigham why he didn’t let him know that it wasn’t him. Brigham said:

“It just seemed like you needed to get some things out”.

So after I talked in circles about this event. The only way to truly re-connect with the spirit was to do as the Savior would do and show love as hard as it is sometimes. I’m not saying to fake it well maybe, until it develops but genuine love is the answer.

I think of the stake president in my last ward. One time this lady in the stake just unloaded on him. Did he take all of her troubles on and try to fix everything she was complaining about? No.

He saw her as a daughter of our HF and showed love, genuine love. He didn’t take it personal. One of my favorite quotes of his was:

 “Be concerned but not consumed“.

The key is to show love without others affecting you by trying to defend yourself.

This is what the Savior did with the biggest injustice the world has ever known. So I’ve come to realize that If God is good with me then that’s all that matters.











Sometimes I’ll think I can’t go on until this person apologizes to me or I distance myself from them which isn’t true. Talk about NOT having control of your own life.

You’re the only one that controls you and your emotions. You give your power away the second you let others affect you no matter how bad it is. This is so much easier said then done but it’s so true.

Let’s look at an extreme case like those TV clips on CNN where a crime happens that hurts innocent people. The victims of the crime that are eventually able to forgive and move on find joy and freedom in life again. Those that don’t become bitter which then taints the rest of their lives even when the criminal is put to death.

I struggle with how to get there sometimes but I do know what the answer is. Love and forgiveness is the key and it doesn’t happen overnight.

All the Best!

Ren Sign

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PS: Click here to learn more about Ren’s story or Hiedi’s story

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