Letter to Stake President

3/29/09

The following is a letter I wrote to my stake president summarizing the past year.

I’ve been impressed for some time now to drop you a line and tell you how much I appreciate all you do for the stake. I’ve personally feel how much love you have for us as the members.

To give you a little background on our family. I was raised in the church, went on a mission, went to church and paid our tithing etc… but all in all I just did the bare minimum to get by. I was a church member that stealthed my way around and wouldn’t look anyone in the eye in fear that they would ask me to do something and take away from my time. Most people in my wards didn’t know my name nor I theirs and that’s how I liked it.

I had such tunnel vision with my career and my family. I told myself and the lord for 11 years when I’m financially secure then I will serve and reach out beyond myself. The lord had a different plan. March of 2008 both my construction and real estate companies were forced to lay off the entire staff due lack of funds from the developers. At the time this happened I thought why lord, why is this happening to me and my family.

For over a year I’ve had the opportunity to look DEEP INTO MY SOUL and find out WHAT REALLY MATTERS. I’ve had moments where I thought the windows of heaven were closed. I felt like I was alone with no one to turn to. I felt like the ADVERSARY was bearing down on me with all its force.

This past year I’ve had a LOT OF FEAR. What if we loose our home and all that we’ve worked for? What will people think? What will my family think? How can I be a man and not provide for my family. When I finally let the fear go, became grateful for what truly matters, the windows of heaven opened and I felt PEACE.

In the past I’ve been a PROUD individual that felt like I had complete control over my life. I thought I could solve any problem. If something wasn’t working out I would MAKE IT work out. This past year I tried to hold on that wheel as tight as I could and force it down the path I thought was correct. The past few months I’ve let go of the wheel and have had to RELY ON FAITH for the first time in my life. The second I try and grab hold of the wheel it starts to become bumping. I’ve not been shown 50’ ahead of me but I have been shown and continue to be shown 10’.

I feel so BLESSED that the lord has put us through this trial. When I thought I was alone the lord was right there with his ARMS AROUND ME. I’ve also felt MINISTERING ANGELS around our home lifting us up cheering us on. What I thought at the time was OUR BIGGEST TRIAL ended up being our biggest blessing and my soul is FILLED WITH GRATITUDE. I’ve learned that FAITH ISN’T  hoping for a certain event or specific blessing but its TRUSTING that what ever happened whether I think it’s good or bad at the time IS FOR MY GOOD. I may not see it at the moment but I will in the future.

I’ve also learned about LOVE. Love for myself and love for others. The biggest attribute that impresses me about you is your UNCONDITIONAL LOVE. I never feel guilty or inadequate when you speak. I feeling nothing but love and I wanted you to know that I’m extremely blessed to have you as my friend. What ever you need let me know and I’ll do it. I’m done with sitting on the side lines. I’m not perfect but I’ve finally given my life over to Christ. No more sitting on the fence.

Love,

Ren